Why we need more tools for emotional regulation. Especially for the women who hold it all together.

"Learning to breathe through the storm"

We live in a world that celebrates women who “can handle it all.”

The career, the children, the relationships, the home. The endless list of responsibilities we never volunteered for but somehow ended up juggling.

We are praised for our resilience, our multitasking, our ability to smile politely while we’re falling apart inside.

And yet, that very resilience is often our undoing. Because when you’re the one who holds it all together, there’s rarely space for you to fall apart.

The invisible load we carry

Emotional load isn’t just about managing your own feelings, it’s about absorbing everyone else’s too. Your children’s meltdowns. Your partner’s stress. Your friend’s heartbreak. Even your boss’s bad mood.

For many of us, it starts the moment we wake up and doesn’t stop until we finally collapse into bed, phone still in hand, mind still ticking through tomorrow’s to-do list.

It’s no wonder our nervous systems are frayed. It’s no wonder so many of us are running on caffeine, sugar and sheer willpower.

Why emotional regulation matters

Emotional regulation is a bit of a clinical phrase for something deeply human, the ability to respond to life’s inevitable stresses without becoming completely overwhelmed.

It’s what stops us from snapping at our kids after a long day.

It’s what keeps us from spiralling into panic when something goes wrong.

It’s what allows us to be present, even when the world is noisy.

The truth is, this isn’t something we’re born knowing how to do. It’s a skill, one that can be learn

ed, practised and supported. And yet, we’re rarely given the tools.

Women’s mental health: a quieter crisis

While we talk more openly about mental health these days, women’s emotional wellbeing is still too often side-lined.

We’re expected to be the carers, the comforters, the constant emotional anchors and then told to just “find balance” as if it’s something you can pick up in the supermarket.

Add in grief, trauma, chronic illness, addiction recovery or the scars of domestic abuse and the need for real, accessible tools becomes urgent.

Why do I care so much about this?

I didn’t come to this topic as an academic or a psychologist. I came to it the hard way.

Through my own mental health struggles. Through the fog of grief.

Through addiction and the long, messy road out of it. Through years of living with a body that didn’t always cooperate.

Through surviving a relationship that left me questioning everything.

I learned the value of emotional regulation the same way you learn the value of breathing, when you’ve been left gasping for air.

I discovered that the tools that help you stay grounded in the middle of chaos don’t have to be complicated. Sometimes, they can be as simple as an object you carry with you. Something that helps you pause, breathe, and come back to yourself before the storm sweeps you away.

What do we need to do now?

We need to stop treating emotional regulation as a “nice-to-have” and start seeing it as essential, like eating, sleeping and locking your front door at night.

We need tools that are practical enough to use in the supermarket car park or at your desk between meetings. We need approaches that don’t rely on an hour of silence in a luxury spa (because who actually has that?).

Most of all, we need to give women permission to put themselves first sometimes and not feel guilty for it.

Because the truth is, when the woman who holds it all together finally falls apart, everyone around her feels it but when she’s given the tools and support to stay steady, everyone benefits too.

That’s why we created ChaluMu.

Born from our own lived experiences, the grief, the illness, the overwhelm.

We wanted something beautiful enough to wear every day, but powerful enough to help in those moments when your nervous system feels like it’s about to tip over.

A breathwork necklace you can reach for in the middle of a meeting, on the school run or even in the supermarket queue, so you can take a moment, reset and carry on without losing yourself in the process.

Chalumu Breathwork Necklaces-Anxiety Relief

Because emotional regulation shouldn’t just be for the rare, quiet moments in life. It should be right there with you, whenever you need it.

Natasha

Co-founder of ChaluMu

(Anxiety-prone, but managing it one breath at a time)